fixing my back 101

I think lately I’ve been shouldering a lot of other people’s problems and responsibilities and it’s really making me a boring person to be around lol. As in, I don’t even want to be around myself, I’ve become so boring.

I realized late last night that there are only a few people I talk to who currently aren’t in the midst of some quarter-life crisis of sorts wherein my only role is to absorb whatever negativity or depression they’re spewing. And, tbh, because I try to be a good friend, I do my best to listen. But I’m a person too lol. A girl gets exhausted.

I’m going to spend this week not engaging with negative topics and hope I can dig myself out of this damp place I’ve been stuck in the past few days. I want to really only seek out stories from friends who are doing well and are enjoying life, so I can get my mind back into that kind of frame because that’s the best way to create the environment you want.

Today I’m going to see IT alone and I’m very very excited because solo movie-going is one of my favourite things ever. I used to do it a lot when I was in London, though that was more or less because most of my friends were busy lol. But I loved it. I had a ritual. I always went to the Westfield in Stratford because it was closer to where I lived (E14!!). Bought a ticket, then went up the escalator to buy Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, then sat (usually at the back) and ate all the ice cream before previews (also because I’m very anal about ice cream — once it starts melting, it’s useless). It was therapeutic. God, I miss London life so much.

I think I’m developing a bit of a ritual here too, but to be honest, I don’t go to the movies alone as much as I’d like to anymore. What I dislike about being home is this inherent need I have to want to include other people, when I really don’t have to. I sat there thinking, “O, maybe you could idk invite a friend to go with you??? this is a social activity after all??? try and be social with people you like idk???” But at the end of the day, I’m not bothered enough and I’m more interested in seeing this movie than trying to coordinate schedules with people. So! Solo date it is. 🙂

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