praying, praying

I’m not sure if I mentioned it before, but even though I was baptized Christian, I wouldn’t say I’m overly religious.

I’m definitely more spiritual than anything. I think spirituality can create a deeper, more authentic bond with higher powers than religion can, simply because religion tends to get caught up in weird doctrines of who can do what and what is allowed, and spirituality tends to only have one purpose: love.

But still, I pray often and if something happens, I often say, “I’ll pray for you”, maybe more like a nice gesture. Sometimes throughout the day when I think of friends or family, I will say a small prayer for them, usually that they find happiness and guidance when they need it. I know it’s useless to pray for specifics for other people, because I don’t know their true hearts. If I say ‘wow, I hope so-and-so is able to pay off her car, and get a new place, and meet someone nice’, what does it matter, if so-and-so is actually more interested in launching a business? Instead, I can just say ‘I hope so-and-so finds the path she’s meant to be on’, and hope so-and-so can get her shit together and do the rest because I’m not God like damn.

I have one friend who I’ve known a decent amount of time. We are very different. She’s an atheist or something like it, and we never talk about religion or spiritual things in passing, simply because she’s one of those people who not only isn’t interested but seems like she vehemently HATES any mention of God being a thing or the universe or divinity or whatever else. So, that’s fine. I don’t care. Everyone has his or her own belief system, and truly, it has nothing to do with me. But still, when she complains to me, I tell her, ‘well, I’ll pray for you’, because it’s a nice gesture and at the end of the day, whether you believe in prayer or not, isn’t it nice to know someone else cares enough about you to whisper sweet words into the air on your behalf? I think it is. I realize not everyone does, and that’s cool.

And this friend in particular lol. Definitely not. She complained about a money problem, as she so often has before, and I said ‘I’m praying for you’ kind of on instinct and also I didn’t know what else to say because what do you say when people complain, and she says — “well that very clearly isn’t working and hasn’t been working.”


LOL okay well I mean sure.

Yes. I guess you could say that. That’s a fair assumption, since a lot of people aren’t in the habit of believing things they can’t see, and that’s 100% fine. Like I said, everyone believes what they believe and it’s none of my business.

But damn lmao. I was just like “oh lol ok” and left it at that. I had no idea what to say. Like what do you say really lol?????

The issue is if you truuuuly believe that anyone’s prayers have anything to do with your level of success, you’re an idiot, sorry to say. I can pray for as many people as I want, but if they themselves aren’t willing to make changes or take action, then my prayers are nothing more than pretty words in the air. It’s not even self-serving. Do you really think I couldn’t be praying for my success instead of yours? At least I know where I’m going now.

And I think that’s the larger issue too. If you yourself don’t believe that good things will happen, that you’ll get out of debt, that you’ll get a job you like, that you’ll meet someone you admire, then literally h o w the fuck do you think someone else’s prayers will help? Of course they won’t lol. What I said was just a nice gesture, but maybe the reason other people’s prayers haven’t been working or her prayers/thoughts haven’t been working is because she doesn’t truly believe she can really get out of her situation. And sure, that’s fair, it’s sometimes hard to imagine that sort of thing when your life is at a low point. But you have to. That’s the point. You have to you have to you have to, otherwise you better be content staying where you are. There is no in-between. If you want something, you have to believe you deserve it.

And if you don’t truly believe you deserve it — if you’re saying it, but your heart’s not in it and ugh life is hard — then just get comfortable or something, because you’re probably going to be there a long time.


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